Keep it Playful

In the February series, Everyday Love, we’ve looked at how to use soft skills to find love wherever you are. A constant stream of love sounds nice, but do you feel like it’s impossible in the push and pull of your day? Then let me give you some helpful techniques to address that problem—from penguins.

No kidding.

Doctors Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz discovered that penguins know a lot about expressing love. Here are some of their findings:

• Penguins look out for each other, living in rookeries. Because they’re buddied up in what amounts to a small town, they easily avoid predators.
• Penguins are loyal, often choosing a mate for a lifetime.
• Penguins are known for loud, squawking arguments, but their spats quickly blow over.
• Penguins are affectionate and love to play together.

Do You Have Penguin Love?

Now think of your most frequent interactions. Do your relationships include the essential parts of penguin love, like play, fun and devotion, or have they gotten lost in the mix? Those qualities aren’t optional—they’re smart building blocks for happy partnerships.

Playfulness is more than goofing around—it can be an instant hack for disagreements. To dismantle misunderstandings, author Ayelet Waldman and her husband have invented the mythical Crown of Rightness. Gone are the days of, “I told you so!” Now the running joke to laugh off disputes is, “You get the crown!” It’s their way of using discernment to pick their battles.

In this series, we’ve explored how to use soft skills like empathy, healthy self-confidence, clarity and decision making to experience love from home to school or work and back again. Here’s a recap of the four ways:

• Way #1 is Be a Kindness Change Agent. Real love isn’t about chasing down the perfect partner who always says and does the right thing—it’s often found in second chances and grace.
• Way #2 is Look Past the Fairytale. Advertisers hone a fairytale that love is outside you. However, trade that idea for an ending worth believing in—and that is that personal power and self-esteem are crucial for happy relationships.
• Way #3 is Find the Tenderness. Rely on clarity to understand that strong, realistic, tender relationships don’t have their roots in occasional splashy celebrations. They’re found in daily small, imperfect moments.
• Way #4 is Keep it Playful. Don’t let a minor difference of opinion become the boss of you and boil over into an argument. Act like a Soul Boss—a wise CEO—and keep relationships fun and light.

The Smart Choice Challenge

Here are three best practices you can try to make smart choices and keep relationships playful:

• Make it fast by taking 30 seconds to blow past a misunderstanding by telling someone, “You get the crown!”
• Make it deep by reminiscing about a tense situation. If you could go back, how would you use humor to disarm tension?
• Make it real by deciding to let a simmering disagreement go. Turn that potential mountain of pain into a molehill!

Don’t leave love behind in February. Find it every day.