Listen All the Way Through

Are you the beat the buzzer person in your set? At a recent Trivia Night, I found out that wasn’t me! While everyone around me jumped in with the right answers, I sat on the sidelines, wracking my brain. Thank heavens there were snacks—it was the only redeeming part of the evening!

Thinking fast is an awesome skill to have—in the right setting. But it can backfire if you’re always the first person speaking. At worst, you can wind up looking Cliff Claven on the classic TV show, “Cheers,” who famously knew everything about everything.

In the May series, Reboot Your Brand with Emotional Intelligence, we’re talking about how you can make emotional intelligence so synonymous with your behavior that it becomes your brand. Part of a strong brand is striking a balance between intellect and emotional intelligence.

Raw data is only the jumping-off point. There are always subtle aspects that put situations in a different light. You’re practicing emotional intelligence when you dig for information about strong personalities, institutional knowledge about what has or hasn’t worked so far, and competing agendas.

Let me tell you about a hard lesson a colleague learned about combining communication skills and EQ.

Listening Saves the Day

Kim expected stellar reviews about his leadership of the company charity drive. That was, until a prior leader stopped him after the weekly sync.

“Hey Kim—that was an energetic meeting today, but it’s ok to slow your roll a little,” Francesca said.

“What do you mean? We have a lot to get through in only 30 minutes. I’m just trying to keep the trains on track,” Kim replied.

“I get that, but you have so much enthusiasm that I’ve noticed you talk over people. No big deal—I’m sure that’s unintentional,” Francesca reassured him.

“But sometimes people go on and on,” Kim protested. “I want people to leave this meeting with Marching Orders and immediate actions.”

“That viewpoint is understandable. But you’re not the Coast Guard, where you need to jump in and save others.” Francesca patted Kim on the shoulder. “This is your first charity drive, but other people have worked on this event for years. So give them space to share their insights. Learn what you don’t know—a lot is happening behind the curtain.”

How to Reboot Your Brand with Emotional Intelligence

Did you catch the part where Kim’s brand took a hit when others watched his exchange? He thought he was projecting “confident” and “quick.” However, the net impression was “overbearing.”

There’s no merit badge for always being the first person to answer. So, don’t let self-imposed pressures to be right or first be the boss of you. Instead, make listening part of your brand. Not half-hearted, polite hearing someone out—listening all the way through listening. When you take in information using soft skill How tactics like empathy and staying flexible, you’ll consistently give wise answers. That’s the kind of reputation you want to have!

So, count to three the next time you want to jump in and drive your point home. Try listening all the way through. It will build trust with the person speaking as well as anyone present or overhearing your conversation.

Here are three ways to practice and improve your communication EQ:

1. Ask yourself The Big Question, “Am I listening for understanding and awareness, or simply waiting to speak next?”
2. Swap instant answers for deep listening. Stay curious—once you have the context, the first answer that came to mind may not be the right one!
3. Support yourself by affirming, “I build a reputation of being a thoughtful, active listener. I appreciate other people’s perspectives.”

Save your beat the buzzer skills for Trivia Night. Listen all the way through to easily connect the dots between facts and the intangibles—like someone’s temperament or a negative backstory—and make wisdom part of your brand.