Skip the Big Talk

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Have you ever counted to ten time and time again, and you’re still ready to blow?

Here’s the bad news: You’ve probably waited too long to say something. But you can correct that mistake in the future with a straightforward technique: Skip The Big Talk.

One Truth Bomb Blows Up The Big Talk

My friend Tim first taught me about this technique. He was thrilled to get promoted to a killer job managing a huge sales team. His first move was to visit regional offices and get to know everyone through one-on-one meetings.

The meeting would usually go well—until he mentioned the upcoming Sales Review. Right on cue, the other person would shift in their seat or avoid eye contact. And that was the polite response! Twenty one-on-ones in, one guy rolled his eyes and dropped the truth bomb. “THAT thing every six months?” he asked. “What a waste of time!”

OK—maybe the Account Executive wasn’t the most diplomatic person in the world, but Tim knew that he dared to say what everyone else was thinking. That reality check gave Tim the basis to rethink the status quo.

He slowly uncovered that no one liked the Sales Review. Some people were so nervous about executive presentations that they worried about killing their career. Other people had a more tangible concern: Money was lost as they broke away from selling.

So, Tim did the unthinkable. He took The Big Talk ritual that seemed set in stone and canceled it. Forever. In its place, he implemented a system of constant improvement, where they check the sales forecast every month instead of twice a year. Problem solved—for everyone.

Are Your Instincts Asking You to Avoid the Big Talk?

In the March series, Manage the Meltdown, we’re talking about five ways you can handle anger. Tim’s story is an essential learning because we’ve all had times we tabled something bothering us. But the problem with continually avoiding small issues is that you often wind up with a too-much-pressure, winner takes all Big Talk. By then, the issue is so big and so emotional that no one wins.

So, use the soft skill of discernment to know when a check-in is in order. When are your instincts setting off the alarm? Through clues like recurring tension in your shoulders or a knot in your stomach. Don’t tell yourself that something is too small to address or that it doesn’t matter. It’s simple: If it’s important to you, it’s important.

If the thought of confrontations makes you shiver, be sure to check out Technique #2, “Update to Confrontation 2.0,” in my free ebook, Genuine Power: 7 Techniques to Be Powerful in a Loud, Complicated World. You’ll leave with a new perspective about how to work through differences instead of letting problems fester.

Take the Skip the Big Talk Challenge

Here are three ways for you to skip The Big Talk:

• Make it fast by taking 30 seconds to affirm, “I release my fears about confrontation, knowing I will find the right words at the right time.”
• Make it deep by taking 30 minutes to think about a time you had a challenging big talk. Were there small turning points that could have been addressed along the way?
• Make it real by putting your courage muscle to the test. Make progress this week through one small talk.

No one likes to feel pressured, defensive or tense. So, start checking in when that mountain is still a molehill and skip The Big Talk.