I saw a killer quote that made me stop and think: “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.”
That about sums up social media, don’t you think? But guess what—it’s from British philosopher Bertrand Russell, who died in 1970.
Everyone wants to be a wise person who has the humility to admit they may not have all the answers all the time. But that’s easier said than done. That’s why we’re talking about how to use soft skills to manage your emotions in the March series, Use Soft Skills to Watch Your Wake. Sometimes you look at a situation and think, That’s it—I have to say something! But you may end up flooding people with your perspectives.
Let me tell you how I learned being wise beats being a wise guy.
Janey was down in the dumps when we met for lunch. “Why so glum?” I asked.
“It’s my sister. She just got fired. Again.”
“Pandemic layoff?”
“That’s what they said, but she always has some version of the same story,” Janey sighed. “She’s so smart—a double major in Economics and Business Administration. But I wonder whether she’s too smart for her own good.”
“What does that mean?! She sounds like a great candidate,” I said.
“Oh, she is—on paper. And she can be friendly and likable, too. But her eye for detail can backfire. She told me how she identified gaps in her company’s business process and would highlight them in every staff meeting. She thought suggesting improvements was an obvious benefit. But I could tell by some of her described reactions that others were irritated by her tone and delivery. One colleague casually mentioned how it took him two days to walk out a bomb she dropped about his team.”
Janey shook her head. “My sister prides herself in her no filter, tell it like it is style. But her academic credentials and work experience weren’t enough. So when her company made budget cuts, she was one of the first people to go—just like past jobs. I’ve tried to warn her—no one likes the gotcha factor!”
It’s tough to admit, but we’ve all made the mistake Janey’s sister did. You hone in on someone else’s gap or error and then get on a roll and keep talking!
But here’s the thing: There’s a fine line between critical thinking and criticism. Spending your precious time cataloging someone else’s errors isn’t bossing up. The way to truly boss up is by taking your laser focus and redirecting all that energy into the soft skill of collaboration.
Think of someone in your past who helped you tune up a project in a positive way. They didn’t put your work under a microscope and take it apart piece by piece. Instead, they probably were sincerely curious about the work done to date.
So, can you identify How tactics you will use to collaborate well? Consider being empathetic, discerning, and adaptable. For instance, recognize and keep what’s been working, and be thoughtful about when and where you put forward suggestions. No one likes to sit in the big room and get a 20-point tsunami of a punch list!
Here are three ways to refine your collaboration skills:
Be the wise person in the room who puts their critical thinking to good use instead of the wise guy full of petty criticisms. Skip the gotcha factor.