Think fast—give me a few words to describe your ideal retreat. Did you think of words like open, tranquil or expansive? Great! But here’s a tough question: How do you counter-balance those aspirations with the real world? That’s what we’re talking about in the August series, Create an Oasis.
Kate was nervous as she glanced at the lunch menu. She hoped for the best, but her sister always seemed to be in the middle of a health crisis. Surprisingly, Eve glowed as she entered the restaurant.
“You look amazing! Have you been doing something special?”
“Where do I start? Did I tell you about the couple who moved into the townhouse next to me? The wife is an incredible cook and they love having people over. I can’t remember the last time I ate so well! And she invited me to walk with her—we’re up to two miles a day. I haven’t needed to take a sleeping pill in weeks,” Eve said enthusiastically.
“I don’t know what to say—that’s wonderful news! Last week I saw a show about people reversing chronic fatigue syndrome. Maybe you’ll be one of them!” Kate encouraged. “You might even be able to go back to work. Imagine leaving 5 years of disability behind.”
“Back to work? Well, uh, I don’t know. That was a lot of stress,” Eve frowned as she shifted in her seat. “I don’t feel that well. No—I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
Eve’s conversation with Kate started well, with one yes after the other. “Yes” to eating fresh, healthy food. “Yes” to hanging out with kindred spirits. “Yes” to regular exercise and rediscovering her body’s natural rhythms. All those yesses were building a sanctuary of perfect health.
But then she started talking herself out of all her progress. Eve’s prior work life was stressful and unhappy, which led her to internalize that all jobs were that way. That’s an example of a “confirmation bias”, where you interpret information to reflect what you already believe. When Kate inferred that her yesses might eventually lead to a return to work, Eve immediately shut down with a chorus of noes. Suddenly, every good possibility flew straight out the window.
You might feel like Eve, where your inner Zen is constantly interrupted by a seemingly hostile world. Certain factors might make you feel anxious or defensive, like changes at work or a fight with your partner. But here’s the problem: You can’t make headway in life by nursing those hurts and fears. You certainly don’t want to bring limitations into your sanctuary, which should be a place of healing.
Anyone who has had major surgery or a broken bone can tell you that healing requires effort. So, begin your healing this week by staying in “yes” mode. There may be some discomfort, just like physical therapy. However, say yes to stretching past the tried and true. Yes to releasing a protective, hard shell. And yes to transforming, although it might not be crystal clear what comes next. That’s how you create your oasis.