Let me throw out two words: Empathy and Goals. When you hear them side by side, do they seem mutually exclusive? Maybe not.
Last week we talked about the old-school success formula: Setting a bodacious goal, making a splashy announcement, and then bulldozing until you reach it. However, think back to people you’ve known who took that action. Then, think about their professional brand. Would you describe them as a great partner? Or wise? Probably not! Instead, their overbearing swagger may have been some version of The Brilliant Jerk.
The good news is that you don’t have to be The Brilliant Jerk to meet your goals—that success archetype is played out. In its place, you can use soft skills to become The Wise Collaborator—the person who excels by weaving in empathy qualities like insight, kindness, and compassion.
Let me tell you how one person supercharged his acting career after harnessing empathy as his superpower.
Leslie Jordan’s claim to fame was his role as Beverly Leslie on “Will and Grace”, but you may not know about his ups or downs before that breakthrough.
For decades, Jordan was a work hard/play hard kind of guy. Alcohol was his preference before he moved on to cocaine. But the interesting part was that partying never interrupted his work. That’s why he sought advice from his sponsor when he booked his first job after rehab.
The sponsor’s suggestion was simple: Be in service. That idea wasn’t only a high-minded aspiration—it had a practical application. Service meant being a kind, respectful, productive part of the company. And helping the director achieve their vision, even when Jordan disagreed.
In an instant, Jordan understood what he needed to do. After all, he had been on sets with plenty of people who showed up late, were unconcerned about the cast and crew, and generally spent their day causing shenanigans.
Here’s the punchline: When Leslie Jordan shifted his approach, he never stopped working. His changed mindset changed his life.
In the January series, Three Ways to Shift Goals from Aspirational to Attainable, we’re talking about how to use soft skills to shift intentions from wishing and dreaming to succeeding and sustaining. Here’s a secret no one tells you about setting intentions: You can’t do everything alone.
The old way of bossing up was to be self-focused and take an “Every man for himself” mindset. However, understanding and getting along with all kinds of people (even the difficult ones) is the only way to get where you want to go. That’s why knowing how to collaborate and problem-solve with Hows like empathy and emotional intelligence is essential. These soft skills aren’t a kinda, sorta, maybe nice to have. They’re a required competency for interdependent, matrixed environments.
What soft skills can you mix and match to become The Wise Collaborator? For example, could you cultivate an ability to keep your cool, even when conversations get heated? Could you shift how you negotiate deals by knowing why it is critical to understand the partner’s perspective? Or could you make an easy change to decide meeting people where they are is equally important as clocking accomplishments?
Here are three ways for you to become The Wise Collaborator:
Empathy is weak becomes Understanding others is a strength
I only focus on the end goal becomes I gain consensus before moving ahead
I am self-contained becomes I collaborate with others to meet my goals
Find sustainable success by replacing stale tactics with emotional intelligence, collaboration, and insight. Make The Wise Collaborator your soft skill crossover combination.