Did you catch the clip of a teacher quitting her job out of frustration? At the end of her statement to the school board about the lackluster deal offered to educators, she said, “There will be no clarifying questions. I don’t answer to you anymore.” I thought, Whoa—she’s been saving that up!
Have you ever felt like that teacher, where your statement comes out in a way you may not have intended? In your mind, you’re holding a vision where your words flow like a bubbling stream. But then adrenaline starts taking over and all the feelings you’ve pushed down shoot up like a geyser!
Speaking up isn’t just good communication—it is an act of self-respect and self-care. Let me tell you how an actress stood her ground in the face of losing the role of a lifetime.
There was something about the part of Cristina in “Grey’s Anatomy” that said to Sandra Oh, “This one’s for you.” One meeting after another went well, and both sides were optimistic. There was only one hurdle left—the studio audition.
Sandra was so excited that she arrived early, giving her time to run bits and pieces of a scene with showrunner Shonda Rhimes and others. But as they waited for studio executives to arrive, her team called with a startling message: Despite their frantic efforts to negotiate her deal terms, they couldn’t close.
There were only two choices: Take a less-than contract so they could finish or draw a line in the sand. Sandra was speechless as they insisted, “Walk out. Just leave.” So, she politely said her good-byes and left.
She remembers, “I was at that point in my career of practicing that no. I had to systematically start focusing on how I wanted to build my career in the way of just [thinking] internally, Now I’m ready to say no if it doesn’t match up to where I want it to be.”
Sandra Oh has a dramatic story, but holding to your principles doesn’t need to be quite so spectacular. You can dial down the drama by voicing a healthy “No,” “That won’t work,” or “Let’s keep talking” waaaay before you blow.
You don’t have to flip the switch, cut people off, burn bridges, or wait until you have the perfect answer to explain the Why behind your no. Instead, simply pay attention to signs from your gut like a flip-flop in your stomach or the thought of This isn’t right. When you get those signs, it’s time for a reckoning. Think of it this way: Once may be an accident, but if something bothers you more than twice, it’s time to voice your concerns.
You don’t need a big-name agent or powerful attorney to negotiate what you are due—you can do that for yourself. Here are some ideas of ways to start speaking up:
When you voice a healthy no, you’re combining the top five soft skills. Be compassionate to yourself and make a smart choice about what needs to change to support healthy self-confidence. To find a solution that works for everyone, be adaptable and creative.
In the August series, Become a Self-Care Advocate, we’ve talked about how you can build a healthy body, mind, and spirit routine. Here’s a recap of five ways you can be your own best supporter:
* Advocate for Your Peace of Mind: Change your environment before you reach your saturation limit. That’s how you can stay calm and clear-minded.
* Advocate for a Streamlined Day: Simplify your commitments by adopting the 3D Rule—Do it, delegate it, or dump it!
* Advocate for Your Physical Wellness: Refill your stamina tank every day. Solving hard problems requires staying power!
* Advocate for a High Vibe: Don’t get baited into fights with strangers on social media. Keep a high vibe by swapping problems for positivity.
* Advocate for a Healthy No: Don’t allow less than you deserve. Learn to say no long before you blow!
It’s hard to accomplish much, let alone sustain what you accomplish, if your mind, body, or spirit are out of order. So, don’t just support your wellness once in a while. Take charge of your well-being like the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss—and become your own best self-care advocate.