A lively conversation happened at the next table over while I had breakfast in Berlin. A couple of tech guys talked about the CEO of a hot Berlin start-up. On paper, it seemed like all the success elements were there. He was smart, had a strong vision, and plenty of venture capital money backing him up.
But his lack of social skills was the X factor throwing a wrench in the works. After about 15 minutes of debate, the verdict was in. His positive attributes didn’t overcome the fact that he was more than a little rough around the edges and socially awkward.
Here’s the tough punch line: They weren’t talking about how to set him at ease or brainstorming icebreaker tricks to make him more comfortable in social situations. Instead, they were talking about ways to work around him. Specifically, how to handle the killer invite from a potential customer to join their suite at the FC Union Berlin game.
The case study is meaningful because it shows how etiquette, which seems small and nondescript, can have a big impact. Having manners doesn’t mean you must be stiff or assume an unnatural persona. To be clear, there are plenty of times and places to be your raw, unvarnished self. Instead, it means knowing how to calibrate your behavior to be appropriate in any situation. I used to have a boss who referred to this practice as “working well up and down the organization.” He meant that he looked for people who knew how to engage effectively with everyone from the building receptionist to a Corporate Vice President.
The conversation at breakfast echoed back when I ran across a New York Times article where journalist Euny Hong described learning the Korean practice of “nunchi.” She writes, “Nunchi is the art of sensing what people are thinking and feeling and responding appropriately. It’s speed-reading a room with the emphasis on the collective, not on specific individuals.”
If focusing on manners seems restrictive or touchy-feely, then think of your social skills as a task. Practice nunchi to pick up critical data about situational dynamics. Knowing the perspectives and viewpoints of others is always valuable. You’re not just coasting—you’re in the middle of experiential learning, and those results are quantifiable.
The path to outstanding etiquette requires staying authentic, and the way to do that is through people skill tactics. Be agile and discerning and adjust your conduct according to the circumstances. A little trick to help is to imagine your favorite mentor or someone you want to impress by your side. Adjusting will be a snap!
So, before you let it all hang out, remember the bonus tip in this series: Make manners matter. Stay polished and personable. You may wind up getting the nod for tickets to cool events!
In the October series, Three Essential Etiquette Tips for Modern Work, we’ve grown up social skills you learned as a kid. Etiquette isn’t just about knowing what fork to use. It’s also about being comfortable everywhere, from a partner’s office to a morale event. That’s why companies like PriceWaterhouseCoopers, KPMG, and Deloitte are helping employees shore up these skills.
So, let’s revisit the tips from this series so you can pair them with work skills you use every day, such as productivity, problem-solving, and collaboration:
When in doubt, remember that “please” and “thank you” are still magic words that can open doors of opportunity. Act like the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss—and take charge of your career with social skills.