Use People Skills to Stop Stress in its Tracks

Actor Hank Azaria came close to quitting New York City. Minimizing fan interactions in Los Angeles was easy since he spent most of his time driving. But being back on the streets of New York put him into daily situations that were a little too close for comfort.

Hank knew how to be diplomatic and accommodate strangers. However, he still found himself feeling “restless, irritable, and discontent,” a phrase he learned in recovery.

As he reflected about why he felt off kilter, the lightning bolt hit: He felt put upon.

He was anticipating long, uneasy conversations. But the reality was that most of the time, he could acknowledge others, then keep it moving.

That elegant mindset shift was the game changer. Now he makes real time adjustments to stop stress in its tracks.

Just do him a favor, and don’t spend 20 minutes deep-diving on The Birdcage. 😁

Is Your Stress Reaction Holding You Back?

Can you relate to Hank Azaria’s story of feeling put upon? Do sudden demands of your time and attention cause you to breathe shallow and start feeling anxious?

The old way of bossing up was to shut down uncomfortable, awkward, or annoying encounters. However, that approach backfires twice over.

First, digging in adds to your stress. Next, no one likes being shut down. So, in addition to the problem at hand, you’ll also spend time repairing the relationship.

Better Choices are a Snap

The alternative is to use soft skills to take charge of your feelings and your response. You might be thinking, It can’t be as simple as changing your mind.

But in many ways, it is. That’s because your brain is wired with neuroplasticity. Flexibility is automatic, allowing you to learn new things and dismantle what doesn’t reflect well on you.

And to be clear, skilling competencies are different than a “put on a happy face” mentality. Instead, you’re making intentional choices to act in your best interests. As Stanford psychologist Dr. David Spiegel says, “Mastering our bodies’ responses tells our brains we have agency in the situation.”

So, the next time you feel put upon in the hall, kitchen, or garage, remember that anytime is the right time for a change of heart.

Break habits which might be holding you back, such as:

* Going too far with your words or actions

* Making a snap judgment, spoiling what could have been an ally

* Doubling down instead of granting a smart concession

And your customizable AI prompt is: Give me 3 phrases to communicate I’m postponing instant decisions.

4 Pro Tips to Manage Stress

In the July series, How to Beat Stressmaxxing, we’ve discussed practical ways to use people skills to help maintain your work wellness.

No matter how kind or gracious you are, knuckleheads are built into the system. So, there will always be someone getting on your last nerve. However, it’s possible to put guardrails in place before you’re stressed to the max.

Here are four pro tips to remember, along with the relevant soft skills:

1. Make your yes count. Saying yes to random, poorly defined projects won’t move the needle for your career. So, drive toward an educated, thoughtful yes. Use critical thinking, creative communication, and planning to protect your time and sanity.
2. Remember that there’s no World Cup for solving other people’s problems. Should you support projects by sharing knowledge, insights, and know-how? Absolutely! But say no to doing what someone can do for themselves. And that communication goes double if someone has already committed to completing a task.
3. Speak up without picking a fight. Are your instincts nudging you to speak up but you’re worried that you’ll seem aggressive, thirsty, or demanding? Stay clear and self-confident by advocating for yourself with emotional intelligence, creativity, and healthy self-esteem.
4. Stop stress in its tracks. When others bring stress to your doorstep, combine your instincts with critical thinking. You’ll sidestep sticky situations without making relationship mistakes.

Seeing how much stress you can handle isn’t a prize worth winning. So, quit ignoring your needs. Act like the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss—and beat stressmaxxing by reclaiming your agency.